Oh quit your complaining boys!

Yesterday we had friends over for a grill and I was very relieved they all arrived after the agreed time, as we had unexpected visitors 30 minutes beforehand. Plus as my regular readers already know, being a Brit' I am used to guests being a little late. One of my friends confided that her hubby had been a little testy when she wasn't ready on time and thus inspired this post!

This is a regular source of heated exchanges in our home. I am the first to admit I am easily distracted and tend to lose track of time, but I am not that bad! But thinking back I can only remember rare occasions when I have heard a woman say "Oh he made us late, he just took so long to get ready!" Lets just break this down into reasons women can't help but take longer.

Ok we have a planned outing and I don't like to leave my home in a mess that I will have to face when I come home. So if there are dishes in the sink I will deal with them, if the cats need tending to with food or litter cleaning, I'll be the one who will check and then do what needs to be done. It will generally be me that notices things we may need to do before we leave and I will often ask the Hubster to take care of them, as he gets ready quicker. But he also just doesn't seem to see the things I see that need doing!?

Okay so now I am off to get ready, first there's a shower. Now men seem to be able to jump through the shower in 5 minutes generally. Women have way more to do in there; washing, exfoliating face and body with a scrub, shaving legs and armpits, conditioning hair for a couple of minutes. Then after drying off I apply a body lotion to keep my skin soft (for my man), deodorant, select and spray perfume and then we come to the hair. In my case this is a major undertaking as it's naturally curly but sometimes I like to go straight. So I have to make that decision and then apply the appropriate hair products. By this time the Hubster is showered, lotioned, after-shaved, accessorised and dressed already!

Apply hair products, then it's anything from 5 minutes to 30 minutes for hair drying and styling - curly is fast, straight is a major undertaking, apply more hair products to hold it in place. Apply face cream, brush teeth, study face and tweeze any stray eyebrow or chin hairs and attack my "hello, I'm almost menopausal" moustache!

Decide what I am going to wear and then select underwear based on decision and trust me most women have at least 3 bra's in different colours or styles/effects to decide from. For instance I am not going to wear my 'Hello Boys' cleavage enhancing bra to go bowling, in case of overspill! Knickers also present similar decisions on colour, style and avoiding the dreaded visible pantyline or white knickers under white trousers disaster!

I usually have some idea in advance on what to wear, but this will often change as I dress. So yep I'm going with jeans but I'm having a 'fat day' so the top I planned to wear looks awful. I try another but 'my bat wings are in full flap in this one' and so it goes on until I find the perfect combo and dress. Next up is make-up, I will consider what I'm wearing and where I am going then go and dig out the perfect make-up and apply. I rarely wear foundation so I really only have my eyes to do and maybe a sweep of highlighting powder - but that's still 5 to 10 minutes usually.

Onto accessories and as y'all know I have alot of choices in shoes and handbags. I am a big colour co-ordinator so this will be my main focus, shoes on and then transfer contents from the previous handbag to the 'chosen one'. Jewelry is up next and again I am not short on choices, so this can take a few minutes. By now the Hubster is hovering and giving me 'the look'!

The mirror check finishes me off, sometimes literally when I catch sight of my butt or thighs and go back 5 steps and restart! Which will cause muttering and occasional outbursts from the other half.

So I am ready; well not quite actually....use the loo, I have to find my cellphone, have a last scan of the house and cats, fill my water bottle and run out the door.

Now let's look at what the Hubster will do to be ready; shower 5 mins, shave somedays 10 mins, hair 10 seconds, lotions/after-shave 1 minute, clothes choice is always jeans and a shirt 5 mins, accessories are a belt and boots 2 mins, put on watch, ring and chain from a very small selection. Billfold, cellphone, keys and he's good to go!

And I am married to a man who notices if a woman hasn't made any effort or looks a mess, so I'm sorry but I feel the need to make an effort being his other half! Plus I have always just been a girl who likes to look well presented and co-ordinated.

So boys the next time you are tapping your watch and waiting on your woman, remember looking our best takes alot more effort and time! Oh and wandering in every 10 minutes to ask how we're getting on, how much longer or saying "great now we're going to be late" ain't gonna make us any faster. Plus men aren't judged nearly as much by others on their appearance and don't care as much as women do about this.

The Hubster will probably comment on here that I should start getting ready earlier. Well damn that wouldn't make a blind bit of difference, I still know what time we need to leave, so I'll just take my time and use it all anyway...LOL!

Brad Paisley has an excellent track on his album 'Time Well Wasted' entitled 'Waitin' on a Woman' and I suggest a few more men take note of his lyrics!

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman

I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two
I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty

Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman

And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it

She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense
'cause I know she won't be ready

So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman


Tom said...

"he also just doesn't seem to see the things I see that need doing!?"

yep, that's pretty much me. my girlfriend always seems to notice that the bins need taking out or that something is going to make the apartment explode unless it's dealt with.

the classic with some women is the 'c'mon, are you ready?' question when we've got so bored we've sat down and picked up the newspaper. luckily with my girlfriend (unlike my ex-girlfriends) this is said tongue in cheek. bless her heart.

p.s. hope it's ok but i thought i'd add you to my bleurgroll.

Brad said...

This is one reason I always leave a little extra time in our planning and usually set the departure time sufficiently early enough to allow for such delays.

Of course, my household knows that my philosophy is "better never than late" so they know that the set departure times are pretty solid or we just won't go at all. That seems to be a pretty good motivator!

Chellie said...

It was so fun to read your routine. I'm going to have to say that mine is pretty much identical in the getting ready part. I, however, am very punctual and if I'm not then something is wrong such as a car accident so come a lookin' for me! :)

willow said...

I am laughing out loud!! I can relate to every single little step. And especially to the "go back 5 steps and restart"!

Thanks for the chuckles! :D

Sherri said...

Sarah, you crack me up! Thanks for making me laugh on the first day back to work after a holiday!!

Roland Hulme said...

Ha! I started reading your post and I thought- I'll have to leave a link in my comment to that 'waiting on a woman' song I'm always hearing on SIRIUS New country... And then you go and post it there!

Great minds think alike.

It is interesting to see the inside workings of the female mind... That being said, if you know ahead of time it takes so long to get ready, why don't women start earlier?

Typical male response, there...

Expatmum said...

I must be the exception to all this as I take the quickest shower ever - mainly because it's just too jarring first thing in the morning.
Obviuosly right there with you being the one to see to everything before leaving the house. My fave is when we take a vacation/holiday. The ball and chain has the suitcases at the front door or even on the porch, while I'm still checking each kid's bedroom, picking up what they've left behind and running after the suitcases with an arm load of stuff. Of course it looks like I'm disorganized and late, when in fact I've probably been packing (for me AND the kids) for the entire previous week. Don't get me started!

pamokc said...

oh how true it is! plus it always makes me cranky that men can put on either their choice of jeans or khakis and a polo shirt and be done with it and look great with zero effort (and by polo, i mean with a collar, not a turtleneck) .... while i'm still blow-drying and trying not to get too **glisten-y** while flat ironing the hair, so that i have to cool off a bit before applying the make-up!!!! looking great doesn't *just happen*!!!

Daryl said...

I am exactly like that except I put my eyes on along w/a touch of blush and sunscreen before I get dressed. Men do not 'get' it.


BritGal' Sarah said...

Tom - thank you!

Brad - well heck you have a household of women who take pride in their appearance to deal with, rules are essential I am sure!

'Girls' - I had a feeling I wasn't alone here!

Pam - I am the same 'glisten-y' after the flat-iron, which is why I'm curly 90% of the time!

Daryl - I am a sunscreen everyday girl too, just included in face creams :-)

Roland - Brad has a way of nailing issues with his lyrics, but this song may be his best ever for that!

Expatmum - oh if I had been talking about going on vacation it'd be a whole other post. We have people to come in the house for the cats, so I won't leave unless it's like a showhome!

P.S. I had a shower in 1 min yesterday under extreme pressure!

Karla Neese said...

Too funny!

Rhea said...

I also don't like to come home to a messy house, so I find myself spending way too much doing dishes and cleaning up, etc. HOWEVER, I'm always ready on time, and I'm the one sitting around waiting for my hubby. Yep, that's right. It's reversed in our house!

Mmm said...

Like I've said, I too hate it when people are late. I like to be EXACTLY on time. I know, it's annoying.... for some as is the other way aroudn with people bing late. I know my mother always hated it when people didn't show up on time as they said they would.

Wendy said...

Here you've used the British words knickers and trousers! I must tell you a funny story about the first time I went to Britain. Some young people were teaching me how to play rounders and I saw a young man slide into the base. He was wearing white jeans, so I yelled out "Oh no, David, you've soiled your pants!" He yelled back, "Oh, I hope not!"